5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第48章

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。　Sorry　also　for　the　things　beyond　my　control　that　I　d　been　the　monster　chosen　by　fate　to　end　her　life　in　the　first　place。　I　took　a　deep　breath　ignoring　my　wretched　reaction　to　the　flavor　in　the　car　and　tried　to　collect　myself。

I　wanted　to　change　the　subject；　to　think　of　something　else。　Lucky　for　me；　my　curiosity　about　the　girl　was　insatiable。　I　always　had　a　question。　Tell　me　something；　I　said。　Yes？　she　asked　huskily；　tears　still　in　her　voice。　What　were　you　thinking　tonight；　just　before　I　came　around　the　corner？　I　couldn　t　understand　your　expression　you　didn　t　look　that　scared；　you　looked　like　you　were　concentrating　very　hard　on　something。　I　remembered　her　face　forcing　myself　to　forget　whose　eyes　I　was　looking　through　the　look　of　determination　there。　I　was　trying　to　remember　how　to　incapacitate　an　attacker；　she　said；　her　voice　more　posed。　You　know；　self　defense。　I　was　going　to　smash　his　nose　into　his　brain。　Her　posure　did　not　last　to　the　end　of　her　explanation。　Her　tone　twisted　until　it　seethed　with　hate。　This　was　no　hyperbole；　and　her　kittenish　fury　was　not　humorous　now。　I　could　see　her　frail　figure　just　silk　over　glass　overshadowed　by　the　meaty；　heavyfisted　human　monsters　who　would　have　hurt　her。　The　fury　boiled　in　the　back　of　my　head。　You　were　going　to　fight　them？　I　wanted　to　groan。　herself。　Didn　t　you　think　about　running？　I　fall　down　a　lot　when　I　run；　she　said　sheepishly。　What　about　screaming　for　help？　I　was　getting　to　that　part。　I　shook　my　head　in　disbelief。　to　Forks？　How　had　she　managed　to　stay　alive　before　she　d　e　I　m　definitely　fighting　Her　instincts　were　deadly　to　You　were　right；　I　told　her；　a　sour　edge　to　my　voice。　fate　trying　to　keep　you　alive。　She　sighed；　and　glanced　out　the　window。　Then　she　looked　back　at　me。　Will　I　see　you　tomorrow？　she　demanded　abruptly。　As　long　as　I　was　on　my　way　to　hell　I　might　as　well　enjoy　the　journey。　Yes　I　have　a　paper　due；　too。　I　smiled　at　her；　and　it　felt　good　to　do　this。　I　ll　save　you　a　seat　at　lunch。　Her　heart　fluttered；　my　dead　heart　suddenly　felt　warmer。　I　stopped　the　car　in　front　of　her　father　s　house。　She　made　no　move　to　leave　me。　Do　you　promise　to　be　there　tomorrow？　she　insisted。　I　promise。　How　could　doing　the　wrong　thing　give　me　so　much　happiness？　Surely　there　was

something　amiss　in　that。　She　nodded　to　herself；　satisfied；　and　started　to　remove　my　jacket。　You　can　keep　it；　I　assured　her　quickly。　I　rather　wanted　to　leave　her　with　something　of　myself。　A　token；　like　the　bottle　cap　that　was　in　my　pocket　now　You　don　t　have　a　jacket　for　tomorrow。　She　handed　it　back　to　me；　smiling　ruefully。　I　don　t　want　to　have　to　explain　to　Charlie；　she　told　me。　I　would　imagine　not。　I　smiled　at　her。　Oh；　right。　She　put　her　hand　on　the　door　handle；　and　then　stopped。　as　I　was　unwilling　for　her　to　go。　To　have　her　unprotected；　even　for　a　few　moments　Peter　and　Charlotte　were　well　on　their　way　by　now；　long　past　Seattle；　no　doubt。　But　there　were　always　others。　This　world　was　not　a　safe　place　for　any　human；　and　for　her　it　seemed　to　be　more　dangerous　than　it　was　for　the　rest。　Bella？　I　asked；　surprised　at　the　pleasure　there　was　in　simply　speaking　her　name。　Yes？　Will　you　promise　me　something？　Yes；　she　agreed　easily；　and　then　her　eyes　tightened　as　if　she　d　thought　of　a　reason　to　object。　Don　t　go　into　the　woods　alone；　I　warned　her；　wondering　if　this　request　would　trigger　the　objection　in　her　eyes。　She　blinked；　startled。　Why？　Unwilling　to　leave；　just　I　glowered　into　the　untrustworthy　darkness。　The　lack　of　light　was　no　problem　for　my　eyes；　but　neither　would　it　trouble　another　hunter。　It　only　blinded　humans。　I　m　not　always　the　most　dangerous　thing　out　there；　I　told　her。　at　that。　Let　s　leave　it　She　shivered；　but　recovered　quickly　and　was　even　smiling　when　she　told　me；　Whatever　you　say。　Her　breath　touched　my　face；　so　sweet　and　fragrant。　I　could　stay　here　all　night　like　this；　but　she　needed　her　sleep。　The　two　desires　seemed　equally　strong　as　they　continually　warred　inside　me：　wanting　her　versus　wanting　her　to　be　safe。　I　sighed　at　the　impossibilities。　I　ll　see　you　tomorrow；　I　said；　knowing　that　I　would　see　her　much　sooner　than　that。　She　wouldn　t　see　me　until　tomorrow；　though。　Tomorrow；　then；　she　agreed　as　she　opened　her　door。　Agony　again；　watching　her　leave。

I　leaned　after　her；　wanting　to　hold　her　here。　Bella？　She　turned；　and　then　froze；　surprised　to　find　our　faces　so　close　together。　I；　too；　was　overwhelmed　by　the　proximity。　The　heat　rolled　off　her　in　waves；　caressing　my　face。　I　could　all　but　feel　the　silk　of　her　skin　Her　heartbeat　stuttered；　and　her　lips　fell　open。　Sleep　well；　I　whispered；　and　leaned　away　before　the　urgency　in　my　body　either　the　familiar　thirst　or　the　very　new　and　strange　hunger　I　suddenly　felt　could　make　me　do　something　that　might　hurt　her。　She　sat　there　motionless　for　a　moment；　her　eyes　wide　and　stunned。　guessed。　As　was　I。　She　recovered　though　her　face　was　still　a　bit　bemused　and　half　fell　out　of　the　car；　tripping　over　her　feet　and　having　to　catch　the　frame　of　the　car　to　right　herself。　I　chuckled　hopefully　it　was　too　quiet　for　her　to　hear。　I　watched　her　stumble　her　way　up　to　the　pool　of　light　that　surrounded　the　front　door。　Safe　for　the　moment。　And　I　would　be　back　soon　to　make　sure。　I　could　feel　her　eyes　follow　me　as　I　drove　down　the　dark　street。　Such　a　different　sensation　than　I　was　accustomed　to。　Usually；　I　could　simply　watch　myself　through　someone　s　following　eyes；　were　I　of　a　mind　to。　This　was　strangely　exciting　this　intangible　sensation　of　watching　eyes。　I　knew　it　was　just　because　they　were　her　eyes。　A　million　thoughts　chased　each　other　through　my　head　as　I　drove　aimlessly　into　the　night。　For　a　long　time　I　circled　through　the　streets；　and　the　incredible　release　of　having　the　truth　dread　that　she　would　find　out　what　I　was。　She　Even　though　this　was　obviously　a　bad　thing　for　for　me。　going　nowhere；　thinking　of　Bella　known。　No　longer　did　I　have　to　knew。　It　didn　t　matter　to　her。　her；　it　was　amazingly　liberating　me　the　probably　the　the　Dazzled；　I　More　than　that；　I　thought　of　Bella　and　requited　love。　She　couldn　t　love　way　I　loved　her　such　an　overpowering；　allconsuming；　crushing　love　would　break　her　fragile　body。　But　she　felt　strongly　enough。　Enough　to　subdue　instinctive　fear。　Enough　to　want　to　be　with　me。　And　being　with　her　was　greatest　happiness　I　had　ever　known。　For　a　while　as　I　was　all　alone　and　hurting　no　one　else　for　a　change　I　allowed　myself　to　feel　that　happiness　without　dwelling　on　the　tragedy。　Just　to　be　happy　that　she　cared　for　me。　Just　to　exult　in　the　triumph　of　winning　her　affection。　Just　to　imagine　day　after　day　of　sitting　close　to　her；　hearing　her　voice　and　earning　her　smiles。　I　replayed　that　smile　in　my　head；　seeing　her　full　lips　pull　up　at　the　corners；　the　hint　of　a　dimple　that　touched　her　pointed　chin；　the　way　her　eyes　warmed　and　melted　Her　fingers　had　felt　so　warm　and　soft　on　my　hand　tonight。　I　imagined　how　it　would　feel　to　touch　the　delicate　skin　that　stretched　over　her　cheekbones　silky；　warm　so　fragile。　Silk　over　glass　frighteningly　breakable。　I　didn　t　see　where　my　thoughts　were　leading　until　it　was　too　late。　As　I　dwelt　on　that　devastating　vulnerability；　new　images　of　her　face　intruded　on　my　fantasies。　Lost　in　the　shadows；　pale　with　fear　yet　her　jaw　tight　and　determined；　her　eyes

fierce；　full　of　concentration；　her　slim　body　braced　to　strike　at　the　hulking　forms　that　gathered　around　her；　nightmares　in　the　gloom　Ah；　I　groaned　as　the　simmering　hate　that　I　d　all　but　forgotten　in　the　joy　of　loving　her　burst　again　into　an　inferno　of　rage。　I　was　alone。　Bella　was；　I　trusted；　safe　inside　her　home；　for　a　moment　I　was　fiercely　glad　that　Charlie　Swan　head　of　the　local　law　enforcement；　trained　and　armed　was　her　father。　That　ought　to　mean　something；　provide　some　shelter　for　her。　She　was　safe。　No。　It　would　not　take　me　so　very　long　to　avenge　the　insult　I　could　not　allow　her　to　care　for　a　murderer。　She　deserved　better。　But　what　about　the　others？　Bella　was　safe；　yes。　Angela　and　Jessica　were　also；　surely；　safe　in　their　beds。　Yet　a　monster　was　loose　in　the　streets　of　Port　Angeles。　A　human　monster　did　that　make　him　the　humans　problem？　To　mit　the　murder　I　ached　to　mit　was　wrong。　I　knew　that。　But　leaving　him　free　to　attack　again　could　not　be　the　right　thing　either。　The　blond　hostess　from　the　restaurant。