5 midnight sun午夜阳光-第13章

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de　me　grin。　It　was　like　she　thought　she　was　dangerous　in　her　decrepit　truck。　The　thought　of　Bella　Swan　being　dangerous　to　anyone；　no　matter　what　she　was　driving；　had　me　laughing　while　the　girl　drove　past　me；　staring　straight　ahead。

3。　Phenomenon　Truly；　I　was　not　thirsty；　but　I　decided　to　hunt　again　that　night。　of　prevention；　inadequate　though　I　knew　it　to　be。　A　small　ounce　Carlisle　came　with　me；　we　hadn　t　been　alone　together　since　I　d　returned　from　Denali。　As　we　ran　through　the　black　forest；　I　heard　him　thinking　about　that　hasty　goodbye　last　week。　In　his　memory；　I　saw　the　way　my　features　had　been　twisted　in　fierce　despair。　felt　his　surprise　and　sudden　worry。　Edward？　I　have　to　go；　Carlisle。　What　s　happened？　Nothing。　Yet。　But　it　will；　if　I　stay。　I　felt　how　it　had　hurt　him　when　I　d　cringed　away　from　I　have　to　go　now。　I　He　d　reached　for　my　arm。　his　hand。　I　don　t　understand。　Have　you　ever　has　there　ever　been　a　time　I　watched　myself　take　a　deep　breath；　saw　the　wild　light　in　my　eyes　through　the　filter　of　his　deep　concern。　Has　any　one　person　ever　smelled　better　to　you　than　the　rest　of　them？　better？　Oh。　When　I　d　known　that　he　understood；　my　face　had　fallen　with　shame。　He　d　reached　out　to　touch　me；　ignoring　it　when　I　d　recoiled　again；　and　left　his　hand　on　my　shoulder。　Do　what　you　must　to　resist；　son。　faster。　I　will　miss　you。　Here；　take　my　car。　It　s　Much　He　was　wondering　now　if　he　d　done　the　right　thing　then；　sending　me　away。　Wondering　if　he　hadn　t　hurt　me　with　his　lack　of　trust。　No；　I　whispered　as　I　ran。　That　was　what　I　needed。　I　might　so　easily　have　betrayed　that　trust；　if　you　d　told　me　to　stay。　I　m　sorry　you　re　suffering；　Edward。　But　you　should　do　what　you　can　to　keep　the　Swan　child　alive。　Even　if　it　means　that　you　must　leave　us　again。　I　know；　I　know。　Why　did　you　e　back？　too　difficult　You　know　how　happy　I　am　to　have　you　here；　but　if　this　is　I　didn　t　like　feeling　a　coward；　I　admitted。

We　d　slowed　we　were　barely　jogging　through　the　darkness　now。　Better　that　than　to　put　her　in　danger。　She　ll　be　gone　in　a　year　or　two。　You　re　right；　I　know　that。　Contrarily；　though；　his　words　only　made　me　more　anxious　to　stay。　The　girl　would　be　gone　in　a　year　or　two　Carlisle　stopped　running　and　I　stopped　with　him；　he　turned　to　examine　my　expression。　But　you　re　not　going　to　run；　are　you？　I　hung　my　head。　Is　it　pride；　Edward？　There　s　no　shame　in　Not　now。　No；　it　isn　t　pride　that　keeps　me　here。　Nowhere　to　go？　I　laughed　shortly。　No。　That　wouldn　t　stop　me；　if　I　could　make　myself　leave。　We　ll　e　with　you；　of　course；　if　that　s　what　you　need。　You　only　have　to　ask。　You　ve　moved　on　without　plaint　for　the　rest　of　them。　They　won　t　begrudge　you　this。　I　raised　one　eyebrow。　He　laughed。　Yes；　Rosalie　might；　but　she　owes　you。　Anyway；　it　s　much　better　for　us　to　leave　now；　no　damage　done；　than　for　us　to　leave　later；　after　a　life　has　been　ended。　All　humor　was　gone　by　the　end。　I　flinched　at　his　words。　Yes；　I　agreed。　My　voice　sounded　hoarse。　But　you　re　not　leaving？　I　sighed。　I　should。　I　m　failing　to　see　Even　to　myself；　it　made　no　sense。　What　holds　you　here；　Edward？　I　don　t　know　if　I　can　explain。　He　measured　my　expression　for　a　long　moment。　No；　I　do　not　see。　But　I　will　respect　your　privacy；　if　you　prefer。　Thank　you。　It　s　generous　of　you；　seeing　as　how　I　give　privacy　to　no　one。　With　one　exception。　And　I　was　doing　what　I　could　to　deprive　her　of　that；　wasn　t　I？　We　all　have　our　quirks。　He　laughed　again。　Shall　we？　He　d　just　caught　the　scent　of　a　small　herd　of　deer。　It　was　hard　to　rally　much　enthusiasm　for　what　was；　even　under　the　best　of　circumstances；　a　less　than　mouthwatering　aroma。　Right　now；　with　the　memory　of　the　girl　s　blood　fresh　in　my　mind；　the　smell　actually　turned　my　stomach。　I　sighed。　Let　s；　I　agreed；　though　I　knew　that　forcing　more　blood　down　my　throat　would　help　so　little。

We　both　shifted　into　a　hunting　crouch　and　let　the　unappealing　scent　pull　us　silently　forward。　It　was　colder　when　we　returned　home。　The　melted　snow　had　refrozen；　it　was　as　if　a　thin　sheet　of　glass　covered　everything　each　pine　needle；　each　fern　frond；　each　blade　of　grass　was　iced　over。　While　Carlisle　went　to　dress　for　his　early　shift　at　the　hospital；　I　stayed　by　the　river；　waiting　for　the　sun　to　rise。　I　felt　almost　swollen　from　the　amount　of　blood　I　d　consumed；　but　I　knew　the　lack　of　actual　thirst　would　mean　little　when　I　sat　beside　the　girl　again。　Cool　and　motionless　as　the　stone　I　sat　on；　I　stared　at　the　dark　water　running　beside　the　icy　bank；　stared　right　through　it。　Carlisle　was　right。　I　should　leave　Forks。　They　could　spread　some　story　to　explain　my　absence。　Boarding　school　in　Europe。　Visiting　distant　relatives。　Teenage　runaway。　The　story　didn　t　matter。　No　one　would　question　too　intensely。　It　was　just　a　year　or　two；　and　then　the　girl　would　disappear。　She　would　go　on　with　her　life　she　would　have　a　life　to　go　on　with。　She　d　go　to　college　somewhere；　get　older；　start　a　career；　perhaps　marry　someone。　I　could　picture　that　I　could　see　the　girl　dressed　all　in　white　and　walking　at　a　measured　pace；　her　arm　through　her　father　s。　It　was　odd；　the　pain　that　image　caused　me。　I　couldn　t　understand　it。　Was　I　jealous；　because　she　had　a　future　that　I　could　never　have？　That　made　no　sense。　Every　one　of　the　humans　around　me　had　that　same　potential　ahead　of　them　a　life　and　I　rarely　stopped　to　envy　them。　I　should　leave　her　to　her　future。　Stop　risking　her　life。　That　was　the　right　thing　to　do。　Carlisle　always　chose　the　right　way。　I　should　listen　to　him　now。　The　sun　rose　behind　the　clouds；　and　the　faint　light　glistened　off　all　the　frozen　glass。　One　more　day；　I　decided。　I　would　see　her　one　more　time。　I　could　handle　that。　Perhaps　I　would　mention　my　pending　disappearance；　set　the　story　up。　This　was　going　to　be　difficult；　I　could　feel　that　in　the　heavy　reluctance　that　was　already　making　me　think　of　excuses　to　stay　to　extend　the　deadline　to　two　days；　three；　four　But　I　would　do　the　right　thing。　I　knew　I　could　trust　Carlisle　s　advice。　And　I　also　knew　that　I　was　too　conflicted　to　make　the　right　decision　alone。　Much　too　conflicted。　How　much　of　this　reluctance　came　from　my　obsessive　curiosity；　and　how　much　came　from　my　unsatisfied　appetite？　I　went　inside　to　change　into　fresh　clothes　for　school。　Alice　was　waiting　for　me；　sitting　on　the　top　step　at　the　edge　of　the　third　floor。　You　re　leaving　again；　she　accused　me。　I　sighed　and　nodded。　I　can　t　see　where　you　re　going　this　time。

I　don　t　know　where　I　m　going　yet；　I　whispered。　I　want　you　to　stay。　I　shook　my　head。　Maybe　Jazz　and　I　could　e　with　you？　They　ll　need　you　all　the　more；　if　I　m　not　here　to　watch　out　for　them。　of　Esme。　Would　you　take　half　her　family　away　in　one　blow？　You　re　going　to　make　her　so　sad。　I　know。　That　s　why　you　have　to　stay。　That　s　not　the　same　as　having　you　here；　and　you　know　it。　Yes。　But　I　have　to　do　what　s　right。　And　think　There　are　many　right　ways；　and　many　wrong　ways；　though；　aren　t　there？　For　a　brief　moment　she　was　swept　away　into　one　of　her　strange　visions；　I　watched　along　with　her　as　the　indistinct　images　flickered　and　whirled。　I　saw　myself　mixed　in　with　strange　shadows　that　I　couldn　t　make　out　hazy；　imprecise　forms。　And　then；　suddenly；　my　skin　was　glittering　in　the　bright　sunlight　of　a　small　open　meadow。　This　was　a　place　I　knew。　There　was　a　figure　in　the　meadow　with　me；　but；　again；　it　was　indistinct；　not　there　enough　to　recognize。　The　images　shivered　and　disappeared　as　a　million　tiny　choices　rearranged　the　future　again。　I　didn　t　catch　much　of　that；　I　told　her　when　the　vision　went　dark。　Me　either。　Your　future　is　shifting　around　so　much　I　can　t　keep　up　with　any　of　it。　I　think；　though　She　stopped；　and　she　flipped　through　a　vast　collection　of　other　recent　visions　for　me。　They　were　all　the　same　blurry　and　vague。　I　think　something　is　changing；　though；　she　said　out　loud。　be　at　a　crossroads。　I　laughed　grimly。　now；　right？　Your　life　seems　to　You　do　realize　that　you　sound　like　a　bogus　gypsy　at　a　carnival　She　stuck　her　tiny　tongue　out　at　me。　Today　is　all　right；　though；　isn　t　it？　I　asked；　my　voice　abruptly　apprehensive。　I　don　t　see　you　killing　anyone　today；　she　assured　me。　Thanks；　Alice。　Go　get　dressed。　ready。　I　won　t　say　anything　I　ll　let　you　tell　the　others　when　you　re　Miss　She　stood　and　darted　back　down　the　stairs；　her　shoulders　hunched　slightly。　you。　Really。　Yes；　I　would　re